Without too much preamble, selfshipping and self-inserting is something I've been doing since I was old enough to read and seriously think about stories. It is a hobby, and it is my actual love life. My fictional partners are as dear to me as "real" partners would be; I have changed and grown as a person alongside many different characters. This abundance of love and creativity has also allowed me to meet many kind and wonderful people who have touched my heart. No matter what conflicts may come about, I have never regretted this lifestyle.
My love for Rei is immediately apparent on this website, as it should be, but I'd like to give attention to some other characters too. I was going to make this post about multiple characters I care about, but then I ended up with lots of paragraphs about Anaxagoras, so I guess this will just be about him. It's just as well, because he's taking over my brain and I have lots of thoughts about him.
God, where do I even start with this dude. I didn't even like him at first. My opinion is that Hoyoverse's archetype of "rude male scholar" is played out, and whenever a man comes on-screen to smugly proclaim his intellectual superiority above the other characters, I start rolling my eyes and tapping my watch. Paradoxically, I actually like "nerd" characters quite a bit, particularly doctors. My favorite shining example is Palamedes Sextus from The Locked Tomb--beautiful, witty, and incredibly caring. But I have a lot of pride as a decently schooled person myself, and I won't even tolerate the idea of a man telling me I'm stupid.
I really like how weird Anaxagoras is. You'll notice I'm using his full name because I care too much to call him a nickname he hates, so my feelings about him are already on full display here. During the developers' livestream for 3.2, they discussed how "those who stand apart and challenge society's norms rarely find the world to be welcoming," and that's something I feel for very deeply. I sympathize with characters who the rest of the cast can't stand, just because they're a little odd or hard to understand. I have always felt like an outsider myself. Then, it feels good to pick up a character, dust them off, and say "you and I don't have to be alone anymore."
My opinion about Anaxagoras started thawing when I noticed his softer moments. Upon arriving to the holy city, he takes it upon himself to tell his deceased colleagues' families about their loss, and he approaches each person with respect and delicacy. There's also the matter of his Japanese dub vs. his English dub; in the English, he has a noticeably haughty quality to his tone, and he doesn't bother with niceties like "please." However, he utilizes a lot of keigo in the Japanese, forming sentences as requests and using the polite forms of verbs. I think this is an interesting distinction, because it makes him seem a lot nicer or a lot ruder depending on the language. Truthfully, I think his actions align more with a kinder vision of him. His goal in life is to reveal truths, which ultimately benefit humanity, and the catastrophic loss he's experienced in life inspires him to create a better, more sensical world as the Titan of Reason. This, in addition to the mingling of Romance and Reason in Amphoreus lore, is why I've believed since 3.1 that he understands love better than we think he does.
I usually like seeing parts of myself in fictional characters I like, but the parts I see in him are what I hate most about myself. The cold, aloof exterior, the unwillingness to play nice and get along with other people, and the fussiness about minute details; I'm willing to look forgive these traits in him, but I am always so hard on myself. It's a weird feeling, adoring a character who is a reflection of your own worst habits. I hope that this could inspire some love for myself when I'm feeling particularly asocial and difficult.
I want him to know that there's value in staying alive. It hurts to see him destroy his body in different and increasingly more dire ways, even if it's for noble things like protecting others and acquiring knowledge. I know how it feels to see your own life as meaningless. It's a little hard to describe the entire breadth of my love for a character succinctly, but I'll try my best; I selfship with him because I want him to have a best friend who understands him and holds him with gentle hands. That's usually my ethos for selfshipping, but in this case I guess it's that he seems like such a lonely character. He's lost everyone he cared about, and he's constantly derided for having unique ideas about the world. His dearest companions are dromas plushies, who are quiet and good listeners. I love him a lot more than I ever thought I would. Though quite unexpected, I think falling in love is always a joyous occasion.